The Real Reveal Interview: Bubblin' Sugar

Baby Butch Meets Femme

The first person to call me a baby butch was a femme. She was probably not 30 yet but seemed much older than me.

Meeting her made me feel like I had not felt in my entire life. Just being in this woman’s space made me feel intrigued, turned on and ready to serve her in any way she might see fit. 

You might say my baby butch self  jumped to attention. Only with a bright red face, I could not hide. That was in 1985 and between then and 1987, a few women in my life who identified as femme also gave me that feeling. The first community of lesbians I met when I moved to Lawrence mostly identified as butch or femme. It was so comfortable and easy to see where I fit. I was home. 

Things changed

Then things changed.   When I met new lesbians, they thought I was old fashioned and weird for calling myself a butch. I met feminine women and dated them and while I thought of them as femme, they didn’t self-identify in that way. In the 90’s, especially in the college scene, everyone was wearing flannel shirts and doc martin boots. 

I still called myself a butch but most people didn’t know what I was talking about. And the younger lesbians were offended if I referred to them as butch even though it was the best compliment I could give. 

I thought they were extinct

In my show, I talk about the moment in 1995 that changed everything for me. I was at a dance at the NGLCC conference, and out on the dance floor was a high femme. I thought they were extinct. I had that same giddy feeling as soon as I saw her, and I immediately stepped up and said hello. Meeting her changed my life forever because it woke me up to the reality that there were still people who identified as butch and femme and even high femme. My people were out there, I just had to find them.

This led me to come out as trans and butch and started this journey of full self-expression around gender that I am still on today. 

Maybe don’t try to understand, just be with it

I know in the world of cisgender binary, it is difficult to understand femme as a gender or gender expression or as a classification of woman or queer woman. And my job on this site is not to try to dissect each person’s gender or gender expression so you will understand. My intention is to share people and their stories and their lives who live this experience (awkward/unclear?) of gender and gender expression. 

The word “femme” has always in the past meant a queer or lesbian person that does her gender expression as feminine. A high femme is a distinction that means she does her gender expression a little over the top and feels really comfortable living in that space. There are lots and lots of nuance and flow depending on the person. This is a gross generalization. 

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Bubblin’ Sugar

The first time I experienced Bubblin’ Sugar she was the emcee for a drag king show. I had never  experienced many drag king shows before. I’d been out for more than 12 years at this point and had seen more drag queens than I could count, but drag kings were different. I quickly realized that this particular scene, while it was fun and delightful for all, was designed for femmes. And the high femme in charge right now was Bubblin Sugar. She commanded the room and had everyone’s undivided attention. This woman was fierce!

Later on that weekend I had a chance to hang out and become friends with Bubblin’ Sugar, and it turns out she is actually soft spoken and much less extroverted than her stage persona.  To this day, I feel blessed to know Bubblin’ Sugar and femmes like her who have had a strong influence on my life. I’m doubly grateful she was willing to sit down with me and share a little bit of her story.  Introducing, Bubblin’ Sugar. 

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